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Man what a month it has been friends! I’ve been yearning to sneak away for a few minutes to put my thoughts on paper, but life with three 4 and under is no joke. I’ve had so many revelations around birth, mothering, friendships, and of course business. Our faith has been put to the test like no other. Just when you think you’ve been through hell, sometimes it only gets worse. AND remember, God is still good. He is still listening. He is still working all of the little details. Even when you don’t feel it.
I could type for hours upon hours of what’s been happening and how my eyes have been opening, but today I am choosing one particular story because it’s closest on my mind. I will preface this with, I have only had a few hours to process what just happened and will probably see other cracks and divine pieces once my head is completely clear, but I feel compelled, like I need to share this M I R A C L E in the moment.
My hubs came down with what I call the man cold—a cold so bad that he is confined to the bed. But then days later it began to worsen, leaving him with extreme sinus pressure that was unbearable. Trust me I felt pretty bad categorizing it to him as the man cold after LOL He went to the doctor and the big C was negative. Praise God! During all of this what we thought was a simple ailment that Charlie was dealing with ended up being the scare of our life. I can now understand the sheer panic and adrenaline when a mother is told that their daughter has been diagnosed with a medical condition that is currently life threatening and something she will need to live with the rest of her life. I’ve experienced trauma in my lifetime, but getting news that your child might have something life threatening strips you of all control and sets you on that path of all of the worst case scenarios that you have zero control over.
With hubs still recovering from whatever he had, I jump into adrenaline mode. Doing everything in my power to research what’s happening to her body, to keep her comfortable and comforted when she’s clearing suffering, and to keep myself nourished enough to still produce milk for our three month old. My mind flooded with a sea of emotions, anger, despair, confusion, defeat, as I lay awake at night trying to put the pieces together. In the midst of all of this, the potentially life saving medicine we were prescribed on a Friday evening ended up not being in ONE drugstore in ALL OF NEW YORK STATE. Every pharmacy you can think of searched their database for this med and not one had it. And so we needed to drive to a pharmacy in CT to get in and with the elevation change, my husbands ear inflammation he didnt know he had worsened, leaving him with an ear infection. Who would have known this was even possible?! Praise God we get her the medication and get her started on it.
We tell our family . They are all distraught in the moment. But hours later, both mothers messaged me and confidently told me our sweet two year old DID NOT have what the doctor said she did. I say, that’s great, wishful thinking, but after seeing her multiple times the doctor was completly certain it was what she thought it was. So we all started praying that it wasn’t so. My parents fasted. We kept declaring this diagnosis was wrong and would not be a part of her story. To be honest, it was hard to believe that it wasn’t what we were told. But all I needed was faith even as tiny as a mustard seed to get me through. It was on the sixth day that a song popped up on my spotify by Kim Walker called Protector. This one part jumped out at me and it was in that moment I knew this was all a scheme of the enemy to torment our family.
Protector
You never, never, never let me go
You said You wouldn't leave me, and You won't
You're right by my side
Protector
You hide me in the shadow of Your wings
Your presence is my peace, my covering
My song in the night
Protector
No weapon, no worry will prosper against me
No darkness, no evil will tease or torment me
All power, dominion to one name is given
My fortress, my freedom, my refuge, my Jesus
When we are on our race to do good in the world, forces stronger than us will do their work to take us down. In those moments I felt like my life and future were over, but this fear would only be used to be a testimony of prayer. With family praying and parents fasting we received a call we will never forget on the seventh day…….”all of the testing came back and all is well. It is actually something much smaller than what we first believed was happening to her body”. The medical diagnosis they thought it might be will not have to be a part of her story. But she now has a story of how God worked a miracle when it didn’t seem possible.
Are you going through something today that feels IMPOSSIBLE for God to redeem? In your business? Your friendships? Your marriage? Don’t lose hope. All you need is faith the size of a mustard seed like my mama reminded me. And then let God do the rest. HERE is the song in case you need a reminder today <3
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XO Kate